(“Well, it sure as hell wasn’t MY doing!”)

“I gave him the right aids. Why didn’t they work?” As a sensitive, empathetic instructor, I have learned this is an ideal moment to suppress the guffaw which wants to burst from my gut.

Same for “I didn’t tell him to do that!” Totally inappropriate for me to retort, “Well, it sure as hell wasn’t MY doing!”

Riders who react to their horses’ behaviors (or non-behaviors) with utterances such as these have clearly misperceived how the cross-species interface works.

These people should spend some time around French Bulldogs. The most popular authoritative book on this breed declares that Frenchies generally show only disdain for “demeaning parlor tricks.” By this it means complying with instructions like “Sit,” “Stay,” or “Come.”

Unlike the “Blah, blah, blah, Ginger” translation that Goldens and yellow Labs routinely give to their owners’ commands, a Frenchie will cock his head and stare right through you as if to say, “How stupid do you think I am anyway? You expect me to fall for THAT?”

For the most part a horse with a modicum of schooling has his responses semi-hard wired into his brain. At least until a better offer overrides those connections.

Then refer to the checklist in your back pocket:

1. Does he know what you mean?

1A. Does he care?

Be sure to read the fine print. It will remind you that assumptions are better left unassumed. More of that “Trust but VERIFY” stuff except with some horses the verify part may only last as long as his next stride.

Like the joke about the two surgeons who married, there’s a paradox in the above advice. As much as I want to discourage you from an expectation of dependably replicable machine-like responses to your aids, I don’t want you plunging off the opposite cliff either. (If the following description applies to you, alas, there is probably no hope.) In my travels I also encounter the totally anti-mechanista types. These are horse owners who never expect predictable behavior but who assign human motivations and rationales to everything their horse does: from conventional explanations like “He hates his neighbor” or “He’s angry because I forgot his treats” to more esoteric ones—fluctuations in the earth’s magnetic field, fluctuations in the Dow, or the onset of the 17 year cicadas. These people are so attuned to “the vibe” that there’s no persuading them that their horse is just being a horse.

Conclusion? You’ve heard this before. Be an empiricist. Mull over your horse’s behaviors while sipping your merlot in the evening. When you’re on him, just ride every stride!