(“Relative deprivation is the operant term.”)

When is it time? It’s a question that haunts many of us. Perhaps it’s part of the American psyche as proposed by Frederick Jackson Turner? The story goes that in pioneer days some settlers knew it was time to move on when they could see the smoke from a neighbors’ chimney.

Or did Max Weber describe the feeling’s roots a few years later in The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism? Between that and Richard Hofstadter’s treatise on Social Darwinism have we concluded that Life is a zero sum game? That we must never be satisfied, never be good enough, never be complacent?
None of it is very Zen, is it?

Which brings me to this letter (annotated) from a student who raises issues which I know run through many minds from time to time.
When is it time to move on to a “better horse”? I have amazing rides and continue to learn and improve. Not many can say they took a simple quarter horse out of a field and in 5 years are schooling 3rd level. 5 years ago this now almost 42 year old had little clue what she was doing!

I know we aren’t going to the Olympics or going to score through the roof on the movements but it seems like we are doing more than just 20 meter circles. And we can go out in the middle of nowhere to trail ride without any worries. Jumping? Not very high but we go every Wednesday and have a hoot.

I am not that bouncy anymore and can’t afford to be laid up. My seat is a lot better than it was but I am pretty sure I couldn’t stay on some big mover that had different ideas of what the lesson was that day. And despite what some people think- I cannot afford a fancy school master. Besides, I am having so much fun learning how to train a horse myself.

I try to find opportunities to ride other horses when I can and it has helped a lot. I am not “not looking.” I know I will have at least a few more horses in my life. I guess I just want to know what the rush is when things seem to be going along better than I ever dreamed– Or was I supposed to be further along by now if I had a “better” horse? Another question is “What is a “better” horse, because my guy is pretty damn awesome to me!
(signed) D.V.

Just as there are “horses for courses,” there are horses that suit one person’s needs to a “T” while the same horse might fall short in any of a number of ways in someone else’s eyes. In this case if you’re looking for permission not to send him down the road and buy another, you have it from me! If your friends are keeping track of how long it’s taking you to “get there,” I’d say that’s more their problem than yours.

Some people can be perfectly happy with their house or their car or their spouse forever. Others will be happy until a neighbor appears with what they perceive as a better one. Relative deprivation is the operant term, spawning an insidious condition which I’m told the Bible warns us against.

If a rider has specific goals which I know are unfulfillable with the horse she has, I will suggest a change (if I am asked). That doesn’t sound like the personal situation you’re describing. The Boss wrote “You ain’t a beauty, but hey, you’re alright. And that’s alright with me.” Even if he buys his kid a fancier horse, you can keep yours!